Charnal Crown

Tentacles, Homicide, and the Modern Adventurer

A Treatise on Looting, Genocide, and When to Call It a Day

First, a song for my old friend, No Brows, who seems to have drifted off into an interminable coma.

So, we enter the Undiomede mansion, and standing in the center of the glorious marble center of the house is an altar of hewn stone surrounded by runic pillars. After a moment of talking with the Book, I realize it’s the Altar of the Goat with the Thousand Children, a pretty sweet and sufficiently bad ass evil relic. Just as I’m marveling at the craftsmanship of the altar and pillars, this rude ogre bitch casts a darkness spell and tries to kill us all. She rebuffs my sensual advances, kicks my ass, and beats the hell out of several of our number before the Brother is able to put a Warhammer through her soft, ogre-y skin.

With all immediate threats neutralized, we proceed to snoop around the main floor of the building and discover a vicar with a baby. After incapacitating the vicar, we interrogate him and find that the evil priests had all been here doing their thing not too long ago. Of course, we murder the vicar and loot his body, where Otto finds a sacrificial dagger that he wisely decides to give to me.

A search of the upstairs turns up evidence that the last Undiomede discovered his family’s treacherous heritage and fled with his sister (who was a likely offering to the fishes, ahem, Neighbors), the Grand Vizier’s son (who we bind and force to come along) as well as the Grand Vizier, a man that is more capable than he seemed, as he is able to reflect a bullet into Brother Erbik’s face (this is the beginning of what is not a good day for E, I’m afraid) before he also gets stabbed. Instead of dying, however, he sprouts four tentacles and incapacitates Erbik and Otto before I’m able to drop him through a magic door and the tentacles take off in several directions.

We loot the mansion, natch, and I get a pretty glorious trident and we steal some exotic looking pipes in addition to general odds and ends.

A re-examination of the altar turns up a hidden portal to a basement level of the building. Of course, it has to be down some wet, slippery limestone stairs, 60 feet worth to descend in all, and they terminate in a room decorated only with an aquarium containing Cassius Undiomede and his diary, which I commit to memory and steal for posterity (as well as its sharkskin binding… delightful). The door to the next room reveals… SURPRISE! More dead people. Some of these are dead fish people, though, all of whom exhibit signs of madness. At the edge of the room, we find some pale, crazy woman cradling the husk of a baby. She seems charming in a hot in the sack but might kill you while you sleep kind of way, and her pallor looks like more the result of arcane effects rather than lotion and genes.

The room beyond this one has a marvelous looking box in it, so I move closer with Harry to take a look as the others remain near the door. Unfortunately, the cool box was actually a prison for a space jellyfish that wanted to wat our brains. It almost does so to Harry and Otto, and it does manage to collect the Vizier’s son. I’m able to teleport out of the room and grab Otto while Harry screams nonsense about tentacles performing unnatural activities. The lady seems fine with the jellyfish. She is definitely too nuts for me.

I decide unilaterally to bury the jellyfish and the lady together in the room before collecting our battered party and getting the hell out of a mansion that had much more curb appeal than the interior could live up to. [GM Note: If I had been a cruel GM, I would have sold it to you for far more than it was worth and THEN let you look around inside]

A return to town reveals that the fishes raided the place while we were gone. We decide to take the fight to the fishes, and luckily old man weirdo has a diving bell for us to borrow. We headed to sea shortly thereafter with a crew in a fishing boat that would remain at the surface. We also saw the prisoner that had been out in the bay, and he assured us that we were on the right track. This diving bell thing was rather dank, and Harry kept making weird noises on our descent to the bottom of the lake, especially as this enormous squid passed by us, even grabbing onto the bell at one point. Eventually, we hit the bottom and (thanks to Harry remembering) we signaled the guys in the boat that we were on the bottom.

We took some water-breathing potions, walked to an opening in some cave on the bottom of the lake, and moved through some wire traps before finding a band of fish people with their skulls removed at the top to display their brains. Very unsightly. We slaughtered them efficiently. Exploration revealed some weird riddle-asking monstrosity, which we avoided, and a priest, which I killed with one glorious flaming arrow and an invisibility spell, and his acolytes, which we also killed. Erbik grabbed some nail board club thing and immediately became happy as a clam.

The room beyond contained a lot of brains hooked to wires. We later discovered that the brains were all that remained of the abducted townspeople. The mayor’s brain told us what had happened, and we put them out of their miserable existence as brain jar experiments.

Beyond that room was a weird dome filled with dark plants. This made up the bulk of the underwater domed area. We saw the rider from the Whispering Way strapped to a table by some enormous machine, and we decided to electrocute the machine, at which point a number of the plants started to attack us. We eventually killed the four plants at great cost to our personal health, and after questioning the rider about where to go next, I killed him with the sacrificial dagger, and a tentacle came out of his anus and tried to kill us all. We fed the rider and anus-tentacle to the machine, which we had determined was a sort of wood chipper for bodies, and it began pulsing like some sort of explosive, which it was. After a narrow escape, we ascended to the surface, found the dead massive squid (which the town consumed) and reveled in our glories.

I think that when the time comes, I will come back here to retire. Maybe this town could be renamed New Varisia… Only time will tell.


Otto would like to specify that he fed the body & its anus tentacle into the mystic wood chipper, before wisely making a hasty retreat from the soon to explode device. All in a day’s work.


I'm sorry, but we no longer support this web browser. Please upgrade your browser or install Chrome or Firefox to enjoy the full functionality of this site.